The first time I watched the movie Chocolat I immediately found a kindred spirit in the lead character, Vianne Rocher, a drifter bound to move with her young daughter from town to town when the clever north wind blew. I understand the insatiable pull to move on and start fresh in a new city. I was not one of those homebody kids clutching at her mother’s apron strings. Though I’m close with my family, the excitement of living on my own hasn’t waned since I set out at the age of 18. I’m 37 now and I’ve lived in several cities on both the east and west coasts. The longest I’ve spent anywhere was eight years. I lived in Boston for eight years and this past May was my eighth year here in California. The “itch,” as I call it, hits about every two to four years. Right now, I’m itching so bad I can hardly stand it.
Which city has won my affection this time? Portland, Oregon. It was roughly four years ago I began to fantasize about Portland; my imagination following a similar route to the one it took when I first imagined a life in California. I imagine it as a city full of weirdos just like me; artsy, eccentric, conscientious, and enthusiastic. Truth be told, California is full of people like that…like me, but still I feel the call to move on. I think, in part, I feel it so strongly this time because my husband does too. Actually, he felt the call to move on first and planted the seed—a seed that, up until recently, I have been only subconsciously nurturing. Now, hubby and I find ourselves sitting on the couch devising plans to get our growing family relocated to Portland.
Of course, there is a caveat. Neither my husband nor I are the type of people who fly by the seat of our pants. We don’t just up and move on a whim without a plan, (i.e. an income.) If we move again we plan to stay a while, maybe even permanently (yeah right). Our daughter will be entering school in a few years and we want her to have a stable sense of home and community. There are other things to consider too, we both have great jobs that we like and pay well, we have a house we’d have to sell, we have a baby due in January. On one hand, I’ll be taking a leave from work for four months to take care of our new little one. Leaving now would be the easier than any other time. On the other hand, we don’t have work lined up in Portland for my husband. His current company is based there so there is certainly opportunity, but nothing concrete.
Feeling so torn, I took my quagmire to Kelly-Ann Maddox of The Four Queens Tarot. This gal is one bright bulb. I’ve been following her YouTube channel for about a year now and just reached out to her for the first time for a reading. She gave me a wonderfully insightful reading with LOTS of homework. I knew I wouldn’t get off easily and that some real thought had to be given to why I’m feeling so desperate to leave San Diego. As luck would have it (or synchronicity) I have a little extra time coming up in my evenings to spend reflecting, meditating, journaling and spell casting. I’m looking forward to hashing this stuff out. Why am I so antsy? My husband has committed to doing the same. He doesn’t journal or meditate, per say, but he’s getting together with a few buddies to talk about his work and a potential move. I also just learned that my two besties from back east are very likely moving to Portland as well, possibly as soon as this Spring. I can’t help but think the universe is setting me up for a new opportunity should I choose to accept it.
Still, I can’t help but think back to the narrator at the end of Chocolat; as Vianne throws her mother’s ashes into the wind she says, “But still the clever north wind was not satisfied. It spoke to Vianne of towns yet to be visited, friends in need yet to be discovered, battles yet to be fought…By someone else, next time.”