Crazy Thoughts in the Face of Death

Milkyway by Loukas Pafitis via Creative Commons v.2.0

Milkyway by Loukas Pafitis via Creative Commons v.2.0

I unexpectedly lost a close relative this weekend. It seems like the experience should have left me with endless insights for my blog, but mostly it’s just left me sad and unable to focus on anything in particular. I don’t know if I should talk about what happens when you die, shadow integration, grounding, or grief; all things that have been on my mind. It seems like my first post after this experience should be full of thoughtful remarks, but all I can really think about is what a fucking miracle life is at all. How impossible it is that any of us are here.  It’s weird that when faced with the end of a life, I think about science. Most people think about God; at least I assume they do.

Flying back home after he passed I was struck with the strangest thoughts. I guess that part is normal. I thought about how vast the universe is. Just saying those words mean nothing. Really think about it for a second. It’s impossibly vast. There are 100 billion stars in our galaxy. There are 100 billion galaxies (conservatively) in the observable universe; the part of space moving away from us faster than the speed of light. There is an un-observable universe. Let that sink in.

I began to think about the other side of the coin. The microcosm. For you to exist, you needed one specific egg and one specific sperm to meet in order for YOU to exist. If any other sperm and egg met, the result wouldn’t be you. To say each of us is a miracle is such a mind-blowing understatement it makes me chest tight just to think of it. It’s more than a miracle. It’s impossible. I think it’s proof of God.

All that arguing we do. If we just shut up for a second and thought about it we’d see that science is proof of God. Hmm. Seems obvious under the circumstances. ∞

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3 responses to “Crazy Thoughts in the Face of Death

  1. Isn’t it also true of the reverse that thinking that one ‘being’ is responsible for all that science doesn’t it seem obvious that it is impossible?

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